Tom Hoy describes his life’s journey as “the road less travelled,” which took him from a comfortably middle-class, mid-century upbringing in Alberta, to searching for more and eventually finding it studying Chinese history and language in Taiwan. It was there, four years later, where he met his future wife Catherine at the university library. The pair have been on an incredible adventure along the same road less travelled ever since – a road that included raising two daughters, working and travelling abroad and now embarking on a journey of a different kind: navigating Catherine’s memory loss.

 

For Tom, those early days with Catherine in Taiwan were “magical.”

 

“At that time, a foreign guy and Chinese girl together were quite unusual,” he says. “There was a lot of discrimination, and we overcame it. It was wonderful.”

 

Catherine had just finished her degree in English literature, while Tom was still deep into his Chinese history studies when they met. Following their marriage in 1975, they came back to Canada. Catherine, working as a secretary at UBC, supported Tom as he finished his Bachelor of Arts, and later his Master of Business Administration in international business. After graduation, Tom resumed his search for more adventure. Soon after starting his career in banking, Tom seized the opportunity to leverage his language and cultural knowledge by transferring to a role in the bank’s Taiwanese office. Catherine joined him.

 

Along with their daughters, Tom and Catherine spent the better part of 15 years working in Taiwan. When their girls were old enough to return to Canada on their own for boarding school, Tom and Catherine continued their travels, including two years working in Shanghai. In 1999, they shifted their focus from the “corporate grind” to volunteering for a non-governmental organization aimed at improving the lives of people living in poverty in western China, with a focus on supporting women. While Tom led the organization’s microfinancing program, Catherine took the lead on training and empowerment.

 

Supporting women proved to be a passion of Catherine’s, and when they returned to the Lower Mainland, Tom encouraged his wife to seek more education. Catherine later landed a role with the Salvation Army, where she worked for 10 years in a transition home helping women heal from abuse. In 2019, Catherine began to worry that her memory was faltering and experienced anxiety driving from Fort Langley to Vancouver for work.

 

“She had her GP give her memory exams, but her scores were still normal,” Tom says. “I remember buying her a book on mild cognitive impairment, which had clever little suggestions on how you can remind yourself where you left the keys and where your cell phone is, but Catherine sensed that something more was not right.”

 

That year, Catherine decided to retire from the Salvation Army.

 

“I was puzzled, frankly,” Tom says. “I could not understand why she would want to give up something that meant so much to her.”

 

Amid increased cognitive changes in the years that followed, Tom and Catherine moved to North Vancouver to be closer to one of their daughters and their grandchildren. They now live in an intergenerational co-housing community where common meals, activities and the sound of children playing in the courtyard help create a supportive community around the couple – along with the support of the Alzheimer Society of B.C.

 

“Both of us found their online webinars and in-person information sessions very informative,” says Tom, who now recognizes his own parents were living with dementia, at a time when it was less recognized. “For two years or so, I have been participating in a caregiver support group that meets every month to share stories and learn from each other.”

 

“That for me, was a big relief,” Tom says. “It was not that my father ‘didn’t love me,’ but rather that some of the physical functioning of his brain was changing.”

 

Tom and Catherine now sing alongside Windsor Secondary students in the Noteworthy Choir and continue to find different ways to explore and engage in their new community. The pair plan a special outing daily, from working out at the rec centre and stopping by to see staff at their favourite café to visiting the West Vancouver beaches, where Tom swims and they both love watching the waves, sea birds and clouds together.

 

“Every day brings new pleasures,” Tom says. “I’m learning about being a caregiver and I’m also learning about myself. It’s me that I have to work on, rather than her.”

Join Tom on Sunday, May 26 for the North Shore IG Wealth Management Walk for Alzheimer's.