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“She’s a very gentle person,” says John Fedoruk, describing Arlene, his wife of nearly six decades. “She still takes care of our apartment, handling the dishes and laundry as she always has. She feels like it’s her job and I won’t argue with that. But it might be my job one day.” ​​The “one day” that John refers to is the uncertain future of their dementia journey, a path they have walked together since Arlene’s diagnosis in 2022.

“We had been married a long time, and I could tell something was different,” John says, recalling when he began noticing changes in Arlene’s behaviour. Concerned, the couple had already sought medical advice, but one particular moment stood out to him.

 “She always used to bake a Christmas cake,” John explains. “One year she just forgot to add the flour to the mix.”

This experience reinforced their concerns and played a role in their decision to move from their home in Tsawwassen to an assisted living home in Ladner.

Arlene is an avid reader and Pilates enthusiast who lights up when she talks about some of her favourite things – her family, gardening and the outdoors. Arlene jokes that her two daughters take after her in the looks department (the eldest is a professional model), takes pride in talking about a rose bush that surprised her with a bud in January and finds joy counting ducks while out for walks.

Since her diagnosis, Arlene and John have sought out resources and ways of staying connected with the same enthusiasm. Arlene participated in a drug trial and a study focused on city design for people living with dementia. In seeking more information about the disease online, they found the Alzheimer Society of B.C. and they now both participate in support groups and Minds in Motion®, a social and fitness program designed for people living with dementia and their care partners.

“I feel comfortable there and I like the exercises and meeting other people,” Arlene says. “I just go along with whatever everybody wants to do.”

Talking about his own experience of being in a support group for caregivers, John says, “Early on, I didn’t really know what we were going to do. But now, in these groups, I’m learning. I try to understand what the person living with Alzheimer’s disease is going through. We don’t really know how frustrating it will be for them, and that’s hard.”

John continues to learn more about Alzheimer’s disease and how to support Arlene, calling himself her “personal chauffeur”. They often walk together – sometimes covering more than 5km for errands – though Arlene sees these walks as less of a chore and more of an important part of her self-care.

“It’s not a walk to me; it’s just fresh air,” she says. “It feels like ‘here I am.’”
 
John and Arlene continue seeking out these special “here I am” moments as they look ahead. Arlene is making plans for warm weather when she can plant her sweet peas and they are thrilled about their grandson’s wedding this summer in Las Vegas. Laughing, the couple says – without hesitation – that of course they’ll be there.