Sue and Andrew Dysart met in 1973. Sue was working as a purchasing agent for an interior design studio and Andrew was a traveling salesperson. Seven years later, Andrew moved to Vancouver and hired Sue to work as a salesperson and bookkeeper. Before long, they fell in love. The connection Andrew and Sue formed in those early days would carry them through many changes in their relationship – from building a family to managing life with dementia.

 

 

In 1996, the couple left Vancouver to raise their youngest daughter in Nanaimo, and they still love their community. They live close to everything they need, including another love of Andrew’s: the golf course.

 

Andrew was an avid golfer and spent a lot of time on the green, so the day Andrew had to retrieve a ball from a sandpit and couldn’t figure out how to get out, was a major clue something wasn’t right. Not long after, Andrew came home from work and told Sue he couldn’t remember how to get his day in order. He lost his job and became depressed. He was struggling with memory and behaviour changes, but they couldn’t understand why. Their family doctor referred them to a specialist, where they got the answers they were looking for.

 

“When I received the diagnosis, I said ‘Thank you,’” Andrew says.

 

Andrew is an easy-going person who takes pride in his ability to accept his situation. Receiving a dementia diagnosis was no different.

 

“I don’t like it, but I accept it,” Andrew says. “If I’m in a store and having trouble, I tell people. Then I can get help.”

 

Sue echoes this trait and credits Andrew’s ability to accept his diagnosis for their quality of life. Because they work together to learn about the disease and get support, they’re able to work through problems together.

 

“His acceptance was so positive,” she says. “For example, I have respite care twice a week. He’s okay with it because he knows it helps him to stay at home longer.”

 

Shortly after receiving a dementia diagnosis, Andrew and Sue were referred to the Alzheimer Society of B.C. They started attending Minds in Motion®, the charity’s social and fitness program, and support groups and quickly found a supportive community. Andrew and Sue developed a friendship with a couple they met at Minds in Motion® and they go out for lunch together at least twice a month.

 

“The Society has been amazing through this whole thing,” Sue says. “It’s nice to have that connection.”

 

Maintaining relationships since receiving a diagnosis has not been easy for Sue and Andrew. Many of Andrew’s friends don’t reach out as often as they used to or have stopped altogether. The couple believes when people don’t understand the disease, they fear it.

 

“Support groups have been a saving grace for me,” Sue says. “You learn so much and have a better idea of what you’re dealing with.”

 

In January, Andrew joined another support group for people living with dementia. He enjoys connecting with others who understand the journey he’s on. In addition to the support they receive from the Alzheimer Society of B.C., Andrew and Sue feel grateful for the love and care they receive from their children.

 

“They are giving people, just like their father,” Sue says.

 

Generosity is important to the couple. In the past, they did all they could to help those around them – from supporting their youngest daughter through university to helping a troubled coworker. Now, sharing their story is their way of helping others. Sue and Andrew hope that by speaking up about their experience, other people living with dementia will feel less alone, and they’ll help break down some fear of the disease.

 

“It’s okay if you feel uncomfortable with dementia,” Sue says. “You still need to accept people living with the disease. People need to learn how to be more supportive.”

 

When Sue and Andrew think about the future, their greatest concern is that Andrew will not be able to stay in their home with Sue. She hopes more can be done to help people living with dementia stay in their homes longer. So much has changed for the couple, but not their bond.

 

“He’s still the love of my life,” Sue says.