Amanda Kelloway’s biggest supporter has always been her mom, Barb. Barb raised Amanda on her own in Edmonton, Alberta and the two have always been exceptionally close. When Amanda was a teen and liked New Kids on the Block, Barb took an interest, becoming a fan herself. She never missed a soccer game or school performance. Over the past few years, however, their roles have reversed and Amanda must now care for her mom, who is living with Lewy body dementia. 

“The switching of roles is challenging,” says Amanda, who has never questioned how much her mom loved her. “She had such confidence in me. She always believed that I would make the right choice.”  

This was proven when Amanda got engaged to her high school sweetheart at 18.  

“The whole world said we were too young, but our moms were in our corner. My mom was like, ‘Well of course you’ll get married!’”  

And they did. Amanda and her husband Stephen moved from Alberta to B.C. in 2007, with Barb following shortly after, hoping to be nearby once grandchildren arrived. Her wish came true when the family was blessed with two sons. Being a grandmother has been one of Barb’s greatest joys and she was very involved during their younger years. 

Amanda first noticed a change in her mom’s behaviour in 2022 when Barb began to make errors at her clerical job at a church. Initially attributing it to aging, Amanda grew concerned when Barb experienced an acute onset of severe confusion several months later. Over the next two months, she went through a rapid decline. She was suddenly unable to drive or manage her own medications and finances. 

“My first thought wasn’t dementia,” Amanda says. “I thought maybe she had a stroke or something else very acute, but then there were hallucinations. They would come and go, so I thought there must be something cognitive happening.” 

A nurse and a teacher in BCIT’s Perinatal Specialty Nursing Certificate Program, Amanda is well-versed in the medical field, something that was of benefit when advocating for her mom. Following a diagnosis of Lewy body dementia, her mom moved into the family home and Amanda’s role as advocate expanded to full-time caregiver. The next nine months were intense. 

“I had to take over my mom’s finances, all her medical appointments, her medications. I prepared her meals, became her driver and her confidant. And I have young kids. I was working. I was in school. I was running a household. I felt like I was drowning.” 

Desperate for help, Amanda began reaching out to whomever she could, including B.C.’s Seniors Advocate, who directed Amanda to the Alzheimer Society of B.C. She was relieved to find the support she was searching for. 

“The phone calls are immensely helpful,” she says. “And the support groups. You can be really raw there. You can say the things you wouldn’t dare say anywhere else, but everyone understands what you’re saying, unlike other well-meaning people, because they’re feeling it or have felt it too. Having other people who understand helps you feel more grounded and also helps to normalize things.” 

Just as her mom has trusted her throughout her whole life, Amanda had to trust her decision to transition her mom into assisted living. While there is guilt, the move allowed Barb to get the best possible care. Now Amanda has the time and energy to give her full attention and care.  

“We have fun again,” Amanda says. “When she was living with us, I only had a fraction of myself to give. I realized I cannot be the advocate my mom needs if I’m not healthy.”