In a Comox Valley coffee shop, Greta Judd looks around the room and reminisces about the memories made at these tables. She and her late husband Dales would visit this particular coffee shop weekly with the group of friends they made while participating in the Alzheimer Society of B.C.’s Minds in Motion® program, where they would gather weekly to do some light exercise and enjoy visiting with other participants over coffee and snacks. Even as friends and partners living with dementia pass away, the group still gets together regularly. 

“We became a really strong group and they’re still in my life,” Greta says. “They have become critical to me in dealing with the recovery.” 

The recovery she is referring to is the loss of Dales from Lewy body dementia at the age of 69, just three years after his diagnosis. 

In 2014, Greta first became concerned when she noticed Dales having difficulty with his language, often becoming confused when trying to find the right word to use in conversations. The couple, in their 60s, struggled to find a diagnosis, believing Dales was too young to be living with dementia. After receiving a formal diagnosis of dementia two years later, Greta turned to the Alzheimer Society of B.C. to gain more knowledge about the disease. 

“I wanted Dales to live with dignity and not be treated like he was a small child. And to keep him safe and happy.” 

Greta went to every dementia education workshop the Society offered and brought family members with her to build their knowledge. She says that having the support of the Alzheimer Society of B.C. was critical, especially in the first few months following the diagnosis, and encourages all care partners to connect with the Society. 

“Even if you have to drive far, go to every workshop,” she says. “When you’re starting on this journey of dementia, you’re in shock. You go to a workshop, and you can only absorb so much. But the next time you go you absorb more. And you keep learning.”

Focusing on Dales’ athletic abilities, Greta searched for other programs he could participate in, including a bowling group for people living with dementia.

“It was hilarious,” Greta says. “He never really bowled very much but it was the socializing with other people living with dementia that was important. And that the care partners weren’t there,” she adds. “There was a feeling of independence, even though they couldn’t get there on their own and had to be driven.”

It was this loss of independence, particularly around his athletic pursuits and driving, that Greta states was devastating for her spouse. After moving from Canmore in the early 2000s, Dales became a professional driver, driving school buses for the Comox Valley School District for nearly a decade.

“He loved the children. I remember he told me one of the girls said to him ‘You’ve known me my entire life!’” Greta says with a laugh. “He had been her bus driver in Kindergarten, Grade 1 and Grade 2.”

Dales, an avid cyclist, previously biked across British Columbia to the Island, to Alaska twice and even across Canada. As his dementia progressed, Greta focused on ensuring Dales could continue to enjoy his passion.

“You’re not going to change the trajectory of the disease, but you can have the person be active. Still themselves. We would find places he could go that were very level and didn’t require a lot of braking because he just loved being on his bike.”

Greta now takes the lessons learned throughout her journey and educates other spouses who may be walking a similar path. Greta has become a powerful advocate for people on the dementia journey, with the aim of empowering care partners to advocate for their loved ones living with dementia in care homes. She uses the many lessons learned throughout her journey with Dales to support and educate other spouses who may be walking a similar path. She is passionate about making the Comox Valley more dementia friendly, proposing initiatives to Courtenay City Council that could achieve this goal.

“We have to talk about dementia, so people accept it’s not something to be afraid of. There’s nothing to fear from that person living with dementia. It’s still them. They’re still that same person inside. They might not be able to communicate with you in words, but I know that my husband appreciated when people would speak to him and be kind. It doesn’t cost anything to be kind.”